Below is the post that triggered the … rage that got me “reported” (grade school style) for “spam” after the “author” signed up TWICE on my site to get my blog posts. Um, hello? That’s voluntary. You can’t claim someone “spammed” you when MailChimp sees that you signed up TWICE on the person’s SELF-HOSTED signup form. Duh. I mean, unsubscribing is fine. But reporting another author for “spam” when you “unsubscribe” is beyond the pale, toots. Plus the other fake asshat and the shaming accuser. So, I left the “business” (yes, me, ironically — one of the VERY few actual real decades-in-real-BDSM people writing that “Captured by His Domly Magnificence and Taught to Serve With My Pouty Lips on the Cover” crap that wannabes are eating up these days). If you’re a “reader,” no offense, but most of the people writing this shit have never set foot in a dungeon or done anything IRL. They’re fakes, “fiction” writers. And there was my first clue (forehead smack!) as to how some of them might conduct themselves online. To wit: “It’s all pretend! Whee! Let’s get rich! MINE MINE MINE! My sales! My rankings! MY BOOKS! I’m a sub! I’m a DOM!” And they don’t do shit, they don’t KNOW shit. It’s all fantasy. Fine. But leave me out of your games. I’m real. Always was, always will be. I don’t promise things and then pretend I didn’t. I can’t even IMAGINE being childish enough to read a blog post and then try to “report” the author for “spam.” I cannot IMAGINE going to someone’s Facebook timeline, reading something that upset me because I have no sense of humor, and then leaving a libelous turd on that person’s timeline before blocking them and running away. Idiots, liars, fakes. I left the business. But I like to keep this site up as a warning to any REAL BDSM people who may contemplate joining those ranks of “BDSM authors.” Keep to yourself. The real among us (the few who write) are not of the same cloth as all the fakes. Trust me on that.
[Here’s the post I wrote that got me reported]:
You know — or should by now — that I don’t do the “fake author persona” thing at all. Where you have one face on your website and posts on FB, etc., and another in private or whatever, running around doing secret shit as some other “persona.” I’m just not that way. I’m the one Sheri, same in chat, messages, email, on the phone, on the blog. If you EVER ACTUALLY meet me in Starbucks for a latte, I am EXACTLY the way I sound and act online. No difference whatsoever.
It’s fine for others, I guess, to pretend to be one thing out front (“Hi everyone! Today I have a cover reveal!”) and another behind the scenery (I mean very different), although I totally eye-roll on it myself. Seems dishonest to me to be this “author”-face to sell books and interact with readers, and with other authors, PUBLICLY, but then be entirely different elsewhere. Like a split personality or something?
My real-life long-time friend (lawyer, of course) said I should write here today, generally, about some things that have me very angry. To vent. And possibly to put people on notice that I won’t tolerate a few things.
I. Do what you promise to do. Failing that, at least have the guts to explain why you did a shockingly weird about-face.
To me, a person’s actions need to match up with their words — consistently. No excuses. I was led on, told something very specific would happen, and then, after a year or more, with me thinking this would happen, it turned out, no, it wasn’t ever gonna happen. No intention of it ever happening, from the start. WTF? Why not just TELL ME? I would much rather have known from the start. BE HONEST. No biggie.
So that was the first bad thing. Don’t tell me THIS WILL HAPPEN over and over for months and months and months — even when I would ask and check to see “Is it still gonna happen?” and get the same answer, “OH YES DEFINITELY!” every time — and then suddenly confess, “No, I never do that.”
Totally pulled the rug out. Shocking. I dared to question the complete reversal, and the jerk went silent and ignored my simple questions (which required simple yes or no answers). “Did you not say you would …?” Ignored. “I could have sworn you said, repeatedly, for a year or so ____ … yes?” Ignored.
If I ask a “close” online “friend” a simple, direct, question, and I’m met with “none of your business!” or otherwise given the cold shoulder, or worse, ignored, then by my definition we’re not really “friends.” And never were. We’re barely acquaintances. I was used. Played.
Has the Facebook “friend” phenomenon completely gutted the word “friend”?
II. Secret Secrets. Authors being asshats.
And what the fuck is up with this ridiculous, intelligence-insulting, secrecy crap among authors and WIP –(works in progress) — especially among those who are supposedly “friends”? (And worse, “close” friends?)
If I see someone ask — publicly, numerous times, how something is “done” in e-publishing/writing, and then they announce loudly they’re going ahead and DOING IT (again, they say this publicly, in an act of $hameless and $elf-interested promo, no less) and THEN they tell ME to fuck right off in private when I ask a simple question about the exact same thing … WTF? And then try to play the victim-card and insult me while saying smarmy-like, in an email, that “… we can be friends anytime”? Huh? Mixed message much? Pfft. Later, report me as a spammer? MONEY MONEY MONEY. That’s all I can figure. It’s all about money.
III. BTW, it’s just pulp fiction.
Ho. Lee. Shit. This writing gig, and all the “rankings” and “sales”? “Top Amazon 100.” Who fucking cares?
Um, newsflash: This is not a not a cure for cancer. You’re not Shakespeare. Neither am I. You can call it “romance” or whatever. Lighten the fuck up! For many authors, this is (apparently) all about money. And you know what money makes people do. BAD THINGS.
I don’t care to have 98% of the general “author” community as “friends” if money is their be-all and end-all, above “friendship,” above honesty with “friends.”
I have many friends (REAL LIFE, people I LOOK IN THE EYE AND KNOW FOR REAL AS IN VISIBLE TO ME AND BREATHING AND STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, SLURPING ESPRESSO WITH ME) and some other REAL LIFE friend still email me and ask me to write “for” them (blog). To amuse and whatever. Humor is my thing, right? Or one of them. I do enjoy humor writing.
So, I have been publishing books under that name. Unfortunately the “erotic fiction” “community” was not all that supportive when I needed it, so, I won’t be telling any of those people what’s happening but it’s good and there is karma.
My “adventures” in writing and publishing BDSM erotic fiction … a huge mistake. A horrific mistake. I wish so much that I had not wasted so much of my precious time — my very precious time — on one person in particular. Regret, regret, regret. It still makes me sad and angry. I was used. Who likes to be used? No one, that’s who. And authors I thought were friends reported me for spam and publicly accused me of crazy shit and then ran away to hide.
If you’re thinking of writing erotic fiction, here’s a free tip. Be very careful about trusting fiction-writing people online. Note I said fiction writing. I think they are sort of in their heads and forget that real people exist behind these pixels. If you’re a REAL LIVE BDSM person thinking of writing erotic fiction, don’t.
Another general lesson learned: If someone “online” says they will meet you in person “soon,” and keeps saying it as time passes and you slowly become suspicious, yeah, don’t believe them. Run. Don’t wait months, a year, a year and a half, believing that BS. The delay and excuses are serious red flags. You’re being used.
My VERY best to the few cool people I met during the whole fiction-writing gig who were REAL in kink (not just slap-and-tickle BS). Most, from what I learned, don’t actually DO any of it, or they supposedly did a little years ago. It’s all fantasy. Fiction. It’s called fiction for a reason. You want to know real BDSM? Get up from your seat and go to munches and dungeons and don’t bother with “writing erotic fiction.” It’s all bullshit about captured “submissives” and “Doms” and blah blah blah. It’s all just money grubbing and backstabbing and lying, in MY (unfortunate) experience.
I’m keeping this site up. It might help someone avoid the BS that I went through. I’ll update it and have posts automatically go out. Regularly.
You know what ya did.